Time and time again, we hear similar stories — Parent brings child in for ADHD; child has evaluation and family history is reviewed; Child receives diagnoses of ADHD; parent realizes child is apple and they are tree.
Parenting, in my opinion, is the hardest job. There is no “on the job training,” kids don’t come with manuals, and the stresses of being a mother can be overwhelming. In today’s society, the demands of women have changed over the past 30 years. Women are employed full time in the workforce in record numbers, and our salaries are counted on in the household income. Working motherhood has also changed the expectations of men. The division of labor in the home shifts and now both parents are working, parenting, and trying to maintain a degree of personal health and wellbeing to cope with these demands. Adulting is hard….
For moms with ADHD, this plate spinning act is tiresome, overwhelming and feels impossible at times. When you focus too much on one plate, another one drops. Women often compare themselves to others, and negatively judge themselves based on how they perceive they measure up. And mom’s with ADHD usually feel like they’re on the negative end of this comparison.
There are lots of resources to help with time management, meal planning, apps, organizers, etc. If you’re interested, let us know. In therapy and coaching for ADHD, we do help with the nuts and bolts parenting. But mothering is so much more than checking off the boxes on the to do list; it’s connection to our kids, and providing a nurturing, safe, and loving relationship. There are no boxes to check. As a mom, when you start criticizing yourself for forgetting about Johnny’s birthday party, or because your kid played too many hours of Fortnite this weekend, you shortchange yourself from being available in your truest and most valuable form. A loving mother is more important that an organized mother.
If you are a parent or caregiver with ADHD, and would like some guidance, resources, or other help, let us know.
Our resource page is always a good start! If we can’t help, we’ll try and get you to the right place.
